**If you are unfamiliar with my writing, please click here first.
Finally, we have some answers! Ladies, if you missed it, Pat Robertson of The 700 Club, provided a clear and completely sensible explanation of why men cheat – it’s all our fault!
Phew! All these years spent agonizing over the reasons men step out on us and now we finally know it’s directly related to our failures. So let’s get to work on improving ourselves so our perfect men won’t be forced to turn their attentions to other women! (more…)
**this is a parody blog meant to expose how insensitive people can be. Please don’t read if you don’t get that.
Enough is enough with this gluten free shit. This is just another one of those made-up, white people “diseases” that was discovered because some rich shithead had a tummy ache.
Wahhhhh my cereal gave me the shits! Someone do something damn it!
I’d say I’m bringing sexy back but Prince said it never left so I’m just bringing back my blog. Sort of.
Listen assholes – don’t expect much. I’m a working mom and I barely have time to groom my lady parts so expecting exceptional content from me is ludicrous. However, I’m gonna try to do some rants here and there to get back in the groove. My last post was last summer. After that I got busy growing a life form in my uterus and then squeezing it out of my vagina.
But it didn’t end there! Turns out, you actually have to raise the little fucker and it’s no picnic. It’s not even a shitty BBQ with frozen burgers, Natty Ice and Wham’s Wake Me Up Before You Go-Go playing in the background. But I digress…
So I guess the point of this post is I’m back and I’m bitchier than ever so buckle up kids.
[drops mic awkwardly, trips on kid's toy, hobbles off stage in disgrace]
***You can follow me on Twitter @Bitchadelphia. Haters & fans welcome!
UPDATE: In the wake of the Freeh Report, I feel compelled to once again share the story of my sexual assault with you all. It appears that the 4 men in question at Penn State and I have something in common – our inaction in reporting a crime led to a sick man getting away with something despicable. A crime that was probably committed again and again.
Everyone has been calling for these men’s heads on a platter. I guess I deserve the same fate. I guess the countless people who keep silent about sex assault every day are just terrible, awful, no-good, very bad people who aren’t worth the scum on the bottom of your shoe. None of the good we have done in our lives counts. It’s moot because we failed.
That’s how I feel when I hear people respond to this story. If I did the same thing as Joe, Curley, Schultz and Spanier – I’m just as horrible, right? My reputation as a human being is forever marred and can never be redeemed no matter how many people I help along the way. No matter how many great charitable works I do, it’s over for me. I might as well give up now, right?
If Joe Paterno is forever a jerk then I guess I’m right there with him.
I share the sentiment of a friend on Facebook who had this to say after the Mets’ Johan Santana threw a no-hitter: “I was kind of hoping the Mets would go my entire lifetime without a no-hitter.” That dream came to an end for us and countless other fans of the Phillies & Yankees persuasion at Citi Field in Queens on Friday, June 1st 2012. At least the history books will say it did. (more…)
Never one to shy away from a challenge, I’m more than happy to explore the F Marry Kill posed to me by @philasportsguy via The Twitters. I need to do more of these because they are awesome but I hate coming up with them on my own because it feels fake. Luckily, my follower came through and provided me with an interesting threesome to work my magic on: Chase Utley, David Beckham and Megan Fox. (more…)
While the season is only a few weeks old, it’s never too early to look ahead to one of my favorite hot topics of the MLB season: Interleague Play. The NL East has improved significantly this year. Also, the addition of an extra wild card team in each league has made winning the division more critical than it has been in the past. Find yourself out of the top spot and you may end up in a 1 game do-or-die playoff to determine your postseason fate. Since all NL East teams play a pretty even league schedule, let’s examine the interleague schedules of our division and what it might mean come season’s end. (more…)
In a bizarre turn of events, a Delaware County woman died at Riddle Memorial Hospital this afternoon of a heart attack caused by a panic attack about the Philadelphia Phillies recent string of unfortunate injuries to key players.
Mary A. Hole, 47, of Aston, was taken from her home in an ambulance called by a neighbor. She was alive when first responders arrived on the scene, but later died in surgery. Hole’s neighbor, Harry Felterbush, 32, became concerned upon hearing her “screaming like a maniac” during the Phillies Spring Training game vs. the Minnesota Twins. When sophomore pitcher, Vance Worley, gave up his 6th earned run, the screaming stopped. That’s when he knew something was wrong. (more…)
Oh shit. It’s fucking March Madness again. For most girls, this means countless hours of boredom while the man in your life glues himself to the couch and watches basketball all day. Even if it is just once a year and we’re perfectly capable of finding something else to do, we’ll most likely just swoop on in and ruin things with some well-timed nonsense. And why not? Our guys are about to completely ignore us for hours before crawling into bed looking for some sexy time. Below are some reminders on how to be annoying and drive men mad during March Madness. (more…)
Usually I reserve this space for complaining, trash-talking, sexualizing our Philly athletes and generally being negative/bitchy/sarcastic for my own selfish amusement (and yours going by the # of people who actually read my posts). So forgive me for a bit while I speak positively about something. Yes I know how to do that and no I’m not losing my edge. (more…)