Usually I reserve this space for complaining, trash-talking, sexualizing our Philly athletes and generally being negative/bitchy/sarcastic for my own selfish amusement (and yours going by the # of people who actually read my posts). So forgive me for a bit while I speak positively about something. Yes I know how to do that and no I’m not losing my edge.
Today on Twitter Logan Morrison and Bryan Petersen announced they, with the help of SB Nation, taped a show about what they do off the field during spring training. I’m not going to pretend to have all the info correct because to be honest I don’t give a shit what it’s about I’m watching it and so should you. And not just because they are insane enough to take this photo:
If you don’t already know, Logan Morrison is the left fielder for the Marlins. You know the Marlins, we own them. He’s pretty much known for being baseball’s best Twitterer and if you follow his account you know he does not disappoint. I only wish someone on the Phillies was this hilarious, honest and raunchy on Twitter. Instead we have to listen to Pencey say “Let’s Go Eat” and Jimmy Rollins talk about nothing.
Since you don’t already know, Bryan Petersen is an outfielder in the Marlins organization. He debuted last year (my neck almost snapped when I saw him on the jumbotron at the Bank) and he’s working on staying in the majors. I think that’s accurate. I don’t claim to be an expert on his life. I just like to look at him.
If you’re questioning my judgment when it comes to these two, you may have a point. I have a crush on them. I hate showing my girly side. It’s embarrassing but, fuck it, I’m a girl and I’m straight so it’s going to happen. LoMo and Petey are probably going to have to go on the list of things that could destroy my marriage. Currently that list is:
1) Jayson Werth becomes single again (but his wife is hot and he probably doesn’t have a prenup so that’s not happening)
2) David Freese puts together a tweet that shows evidence of him having a brain to go along with his perfect physical form (outlook not so good)
3) The guy who plays Spartacus on Starz shows up in his loin cloth all oiled up and offers to feed me grapes while I watch my stories.
[Ed. note: My husband will laugh at this. Don't feel bad for him. He's fine and very well cared for. Thank you.]
Here’s a preview of the show they tweeted today so you can decide for yourself:
I just want to give a golf clap to Lomo who, at the 13 second mark, showed us that in The Battle of the Bulge that was him vs. those tiny army shorts – he fucking won. No contest.
In my opinion, if you’re going to watch those Kardashian bitches you have no excuse not to watch this. At least these guys aren’t nauseating. It could also spare you from having to suffer through The Franchise since nobody gives a shit about the Marlins season. Not even people in their own market. Although, Big Z might have a meltdown and watching Ozzie Guillen stumble through the English language is always a plus. Anyway, I think we all want to see more about the regular lives of our favorite athletes, but since most of our favorite athletes would never do this shit we’ll have to settle for LoMo & Petey. Luckily for us, they don’t suck and should provide some seriously entertaining moments.
They said it would start tomorrow so, if you haven’t already, give them both a follow on Twitter (@LoMoMarlins & @peteypipes) where I’m sure they’ll tweet out more info. Also, if you follow me too, you’ll get to see me tweet them stupid stuff and that’s a win. Or you can just wait for Petersen to RT mine. He likes to do that.
Ok, niceness over. I will now go back to telling dick jokes and making fun of people.
***You can follow me on Twitter @Bitchadelphia. Haters & fans welcome!